When Kelly Cutrone’s first book, If You Have to Cry, Go Outside, was initially published, young people flocked to this new voice—finally, someone was telling it like it is, in a language they spoke. It quickly became a New York Times bestseller and stayed on the list for eleven weeks. Fashion publicist Kelly Cutrone became more than a personality; she became a beloved guru, mentor, and fairy godmother.
In NORMAL GETS YOU NOWHERE (HarperOne; Hardcover; May 2011; ISBN 9780062059796; $23.99), Kelly Cutrone is back with another no-holds-barred book to awaken our souls and kick our asses into gear. History is full of successful, world-changing people who did not fit in. Think Nelson Mandela, Joan of Arc, Eleanor Roosevelt, Amelia Earhart, John Lennon, and Bono. Instead of changing themselves to accommodate the status quo, these people hung a light on their differences—and changed humanity in the process.
Kelly Cutrone has long been going against the grain. From her all black, no makeup trademark look despite her career in the image obsessed fashion industry, to her being living proof that you don’t have to do things in a certain order to be successful, to her being a very happy working single mom, Kelly’s success is a direct reflection of the NORMAL GETS YOU NOWHERE message.
This is not a quick fix book about how to nail that job interview or finding the man of your dreams. This book is about living a life that means something, how to take your idiosyncrasies and unique gifts and use them for good. Shake things up, turn the tables, tell the truth, and, most importantly, be you.
An invitation to rethink who you are, what you value, and what you want from life, NORMAL GETS YOU NOWHERE goes beyond how to reinvent yourself and create your own brand, and begins to investigate what it means to live in this world as a tuned in, conscious, and caring individual with a passion for making a difference.
From Normal Gets You Nowhere:
On Being Normal:
The truth of the matter is history is full of successful, world-changing people who did not fit in and were definitely not normal. It’s time we started seeing words like “kooky,” “abnormal,” “crazy,” “eccentric,” and “freak” as what they are: character differentiation. As you have your own Divine revelations and nurture your own intuition, I want you to share them with the world. And don’t retreat or feel bad if no one gets it at first. Because, let’s face it, you can only hope they don’t get it. This will give you an edge, otherwise known as a patent or a trademark opportunity. In commerce, in literature and in life, normal gets you nowhere.
How tragic that we lavish money on our daughters’ educations and on after-school activities from cheerleading and Chinese brush painting to field hockey and dance; we encourage them to excel academically and to find fulfilling careers; we send them to Paris and Israel to study culture; yet we spend no time or money teaching them how to have great, healthy adult sex lives. In this book I provide the ten rules of the Kella-Sutra. Make a list of your fantasies – most guys I’ve dated would have been beyond happy if I’d come up with a list of things I wanted to do and try with them. Learn to be sensual, not just sexual. And don’t fake your orgasms. If you love someone enough, you can occasionally choose to offer up a shag without getting any result for yourself, but I don’t recommend this as a ritual occurrence. You can’t tell a guy he rocked you out or fake an orgasm to make him feel good. We don’t tell people who can’t carry a tune that they’re great singers, so why would we encourage bad habits and abilities in bed?
- If you are sleeping with a married man, you’re helping him stay married. A married man will never leave his wife for you and the truth is, even if a guy tells you he’s separated, divorced, or about to get a divorce, it doesn’t hurt to do a little digging around.
- Just because you’re great lovers doesn’t mean you’re going to live happily ever after. News flash: there is a huge difference between being great lovers and being partners.
- Figure out the reasons you want a relationship. And if you are going to be the person who attempts to be the breadwinner in the relationship, you’re going to need some checks and balances. Who is doing what and how is each partner contributing to the relationship? One of the great things about making my own money is that I’ve always been able to sleep with who I wanted, not who I thought would take me shopping.
On Friends (or what it means to truly be a friend in our culture of 5000 friends on Facebook):
- Establish your No Matter What Club – a group of people who are progressive, open, fearless, and courageous enough to agree to truly be there for one another, no matter what. Lack of friends has been linked to higher rates of viral disease, cancer, and even death. Most of us are too quick to call people friends, too quick to say “I love you” and too quick to write people off forever.
- When we see people in pain, whether it’s from depression, heartbreak, or drugs and alcohol, we tend to back off, reverting to responses like “I can’t deal with her.” But if your friend is struggling and you bail on her, then it doesn’t matter what you tell yourself: You are not a real friend. Friends who are lost or overextended are really just crying out for help, and they need our friendship more than ever.
On Work and Business:
As you follow your intuition and pursue your dreams, you must be very careful about who you do business with. Doing business with people is no different than moving to a big city. You can’t just see every man as a potential boyfriend; you also have to see him as someone who could be dangerous to you at night. And if you open your own company, you should be aware that all those who pass through your doors, whether visitors, clients, messengers, or employees, are not just a potential boon to your business – they are also a potential menace.
On the Law:
Get a crash course in law – know what the labor laws are in each city before you draw your first paycheck. Remember – the law is not about the truth. Lawyers don’t care about the truth; they just want to win, and bill as many hours as possible.
On Giving Back (or what it means to represent the Divine Mother in this world aka being a woman who knows how to get shit done):
- Become proactive to stop the suffering of humanity. The tools you need are already inside you, just waiting for you to call on them. Most people want Divine beings to do the spiritual work for them – that’s why they give their religious institutions money, so their priests and rabbis can do the work for them.
- If you have the time to go out to a bar with your friends four times a week, you can go to a soup kitchen at least once. I believe that in order to have a balanced life, you have to do something every week for other people in your community – that making a difference should be on a par with making love or making money.
- All of the things you are doing for other people, you’re actually doing for yourself. Life is like a bank account. Random acts of kindness, telling the truth, being loving, showing up for yourself and others- these are all deposits. If we give more than we take, we progress. If we take more than we give, we regress.
Stop fearing death and celebrate the ultimate transition it is. All of us are sparks, and the whole global universe is a fireworks show. How does your spark manifest in the world? Is it progressive or effective? And what will it leave on this earth when it has moved on?